Sex With Emily

Throwback to one of my favorite conversations! That "spark" you're chasing? It might not be attraction… it might be a trauma response. I sat down with Dr. Scott Lyons to break down the difference between real, sustainable chemistry and what he calls the "trauma tingle,” that hyper-magnetic pull toward someone that actually has more to do with old wounds than genuine connection. We get into why the honeymoon-phase spark always fades (it's biochemistry, not a sign something's wrong), why "getting the spark back" might be the wrong goal entirely, and how to build the kind of attraction that actually deepens over time instead of burning out. If you've ever wondered whether you're in love or just chasing something familiar, this one's for you.



ABOUT EMILY:

Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex. 



CONNECT WITH EMILY:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/ 

X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily 

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily 

Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily



WANT MORE?

Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides.

Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/ 

Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text 

Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe 

Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply! 



Chapters:

0:00 Welcome to Sex with Emily

3:29 Going On A Lot Of First Dates

7:30 Going On A Second Date?

10:48 Freedom vs. Commitment in Love

12:50 The Age Old Attraction Response

15:03 Discovering Your "Safety Language"

17:38 The Opposite of the "Ick"

22:50 Why Great Sex Changes Over Time

26:06 Are We Asking the Wrong Question?

29:25 Expanding Your Sexual Menu

31:27 Passion vs. Intimacy

34:10 How Couples Keep Desire Alive

39:34 Why Adventure Strengthens Relationships

43:39 The "Trauma Tingle" Explained

45:37 Healthy Attraction vs. Trauma Bonding

49:46 Intensity Isn't Intimacy

54:34 A Simple Way to Recognize Healthy Love

57:01 Why Stable Love Can Feel "Boring"

1:00:23 Final Thoughts on Building Lasting Passion
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Today, we're diving into pillar four of Sex IQ: self-knowledge. This is the pillar that ties everything together, because once you understand your body (embodiment), your health, and how to collaborate with a partner, the real magic happens when you actually know what turns you on. I'm breaking down core erotic desires using Jack Morin's erotic equation: the struggle we overcame plus the triumph on the other side often reveals exactly what turns us on most. We'll talk about the pleasure thieves that block self-knowledge (stress, trauma, and shame), why mindful self-pleasure is one of the fastest paths to understanding your own arousal, and how naming what you want to feel during sex changes everything about how you ask for it. If you've ever felt like you're just going through the motions in bed, this episode is your permission slip to get curious about yourself again.



ABOUT EMILY:

Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex. 



CONNECT WITH EMILY:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/ 

X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily 

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily 

Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily



WANT MORE?

Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides.

Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/ 

Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text 

Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe 

Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply!



Chapters:

0:00 Welcome to Sex With Emily

2:51 The Fourth Pillar of Sex IQ: Self-Knowledge

3:36 Breathing Exercise

4:23 What Self-Knowledge Really Mean?

6:23 Why Self-Pleasure Is the Key to Self-Discovery

7:06 Your Core Desires

8:09 Common Struggles That Shape Your Turn-Ons

13:55 Examples of Core Desires

16:57 What Your Fantasies Reveal About You

18:03 The Pleasure Thieves

20:17 How to Put Self-Knowledge Into Practice

24:06 Weekly Self-Knowledge Action Steps

26:27 Q&A: Rebuilding Trust After a Broken Boundary

31:43 Final Thoughts
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In this episode, I'm going back to my 20s and telling you everything I wish someone had told me about sex back then. The reality is that almost nobody has a clue in their 20s, and we're all just figuring it out together. I talk about why I confused being validated with actually being desired, why I thought pleasure was someone else's job instead of my own responsibility, and how much shame was quietly running my entire sex life. I also get into why attraction alone was never enough to sustain a relationship, why stress and anxiety were wrecking my desire, and why confidence in the bedroom comes from taking action, not the other way around. If you're in your 20s trying to figure this all out, or you're older and realizing you're still carrying some of these same beliefs, this episode is for you.



ABOUT EMILY:

Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex. 



CONNECT WITH EMILY:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/ 

X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily 

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily 

Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily



WANT MORE?

Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides.

Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/ 

Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text 

Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe 

Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply! 



Chapters:

00:00 Introduction: Best Sex Ever Tour Announcement

00:52 10 Things I Wish I Knew About Sex in My 20s

01:46 Setting the Scene: Emily's Sex Life in Her 20s

05:03 #1: Everyone Else Seemed to Know What They Were Doing

08:43 #2: I Thought Good Sex Should Happen Naturally

10:34 #3: I Thought Attraction Was Enough

11:53 #4: Pleasure Is Your Own Responsibility

14:38 #5: Confusing Validation With Desire

16:23 #6: Sex as Performance vs. Being Present

18:47 #7: How Stress and Anxiety Affect Desire

23:24 Do Generations Experience Sex Differently?

25:30 #8: Everyone's Erotic Blueprint Is Different

27:35 Boundaries, Attraction & What Changes With Age

33:13 #9: How Shame Was Driving My Decisions

39:03 #10: Confidence Comes From Taking Action

40:41 Final Thoughts
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In this episode, I'm covering the fifth pillar of Sexual Intelligence: self-acceptance. This is the pillar that ties everything else together, because no matter how embodied, healthy, collaborative, or self-aware you are, none of it lands if you can't accept yourself as you are right now. I'm talking about the "pleasure thieves" that steal our self-acceptance, like comparison, judgment, and perfectionism, and why so much of our sexual shame was programmed into us before we even knew what was happening. I walk through a mirror exercise you can try this week, share why orgasm isn't the measure of good sex (pleasure is), and answer more listener questions. If you've ever felt like you're not enough, not sexy enough, or not doing sex "right," this episode is your reminder that you already are worthy of pleasure, exactly as you are today.



ABOUT EMILY:

Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex. 



CONNECT WITH EMILY:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/ 

X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily 

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily 

Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily



WANT MORE?

Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides.

Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/ 

Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text 

Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe 

Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply!



Chapters:

0:00 Welcome to Sex With Emily

3:31 Guided Breath Work to Become Present

4:17 What Self Acceptance Really Means

6:59 Why Sexual Confidence Is a Practice

8:11 Common Shame Narratives

9:49 Mirror Talk Exercise

11:54 The Three Pleasure Thieves

18:34 Weekly Self-Acceptance Challenges

25:06 Bringing the Five Sex IQ Pillars Together

26:26 Q&A: Why Do I Tense Up?

29:08 Q&A: How Can I Feel Comfortable With the Lights On?
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In this episode, I'm breaking down everything I learned about sex and relationships in my 30s… because this decade taught me lessons my 20s never could. I used to think if the chemistry faded, the relationship was over, but I discovered that real intimacy is something you build, not something you stumble into. I'm talking about why stress crushes desire more than attraction ever could, why responsive desire is normal (not broken), why boring sex doesn't mean a boring relationship, and why communication really is a lubrication. If you've ever wondered why talking about sex feels harder than having it, or worried that losing the honeymoon phase means you're with the wrong person, this episode is for you.

This episode is sponsored by BTL: Learn more about the EMSELLA & EXOMIND treatments from BTL at BodyByBTL.com



ABOUT EMILY:

Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex. 



CONNECT WITH EMILY:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/ 

X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily 

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily 

Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily



WANT MORE?

Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides.

Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/ 

Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text 

Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe 

Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply! 



Chapters:

0:00 Welcome to Sex With Emily

3:34 Lesson #1: Chemistry Isn't Enough for Lasting Intimacy

4:28 Lesson #2:Why Communication Makes Sex Better

6:05 Lesson #3: Stress Can Kill Desire

7:56 Lesson #4: Boring Sex Doesn't Mean a Boring Relationship

9:25 Lesson #5: Your Desire Changes

11:57 Lesson #6: Your Body Isn't the Enemy

13:41 Lesson #7: Choose Pleasure Over Performance

14:30 Lesson #8: Life Can Crowd Out Intimacy

15:46 Lesson #9: Great Sex Is Something You Build

17:01 Audience Q&As
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